Growing up is hard. I remember being a child and thinking the world was a perfect place. Each year getting older my eyes opened a little wider. Wars happen, Princesses die, and Grandparents get sick and leave. By the time I was 20 I thought I had seen and felt it all. Marriages break apart, boyfriends dump you and heartbreak fully sets in. Death happened again but this time it was not of old age. Life was stolen, questions raised and left unanswered and it felt my innocence was totally gone.
A few years ago my eyes suddenly grew wider. I got a call from my mom, my little brother's best friend had died. Everyone was shocked and devastated. I did not have children at the time but the thought of losing one broke my heart. I wept for Nick’s parents.
A year or two later and it seemed many of my friends were facing another heartache; miscarriage. Desperately wanting a child or a second child, their hopes shattered, ripped away and life was gone. While I was pregnant with Norah a mom at my church was 37 weeks pregnant and lost her baby. A full term sweet baby girl was gone. My heart broke. How could this happen? Six months later another woman at church had an emergency C-Section to save her sweet Harper; two days later she went to be with Jesus. That was it for me. How on earth could this happen? We prayed! We believed! Life gone, hearts broken, everyone left wondering. I came across a blog, a friend of a friend who was adopting her niece. Her sister, a young mother had suddenly died and left 18 month old Norah alone. Again, as I read this story, I wept. A few months ago a friend of a friend lost her 5 year old beautiful daughter Bryn to a severe asthma attack. Sheer tragedy and a joyful little life, gone. And now, just 3 days ago my dear friend Tiffani lost her son Reid at 37 weeks in her pregnancy. And while I sat with her in the hospital, crying, trying to make sense of this she looked at me and asked, “How do I move on from this?” I cried and told her I have no idea. A piece of her heart will always be missing.
Any loss is a painful one but the loss of a child has to be like none other. I have never met a parent who wouldn’t trade places in an instant.
And now what? There is all this pain and all this hurt and all these tears. Many will ask why. No one has the answer to that. We live in a broken and hurting world. In America we are blessed to not see it very often and so when tragedy strikes, it does rock us.
I don’t have any answers to the questions of pain. I don’t have any words of comfort that will make everything ok. The only words I could muster out to Tiffani were “this sucks”, and it does. I think it’s ok to admit that. It’s ok to not have the answers and to just weep. One thing I do know is this; God is faithful. He never promised us a life without pain, but He did promise to walk beside us through it. He gave us Jesus that we can call on Him when our hearts are broken. So that is where I turn. While my heart is broken for my friend I pray that Jesus will draw near to her, hold her, weep with her and when she is ready, He will hold her hand and help her back to her feet. And I know He will.
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